I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
