I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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