Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
