Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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