if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
