i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize