"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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