Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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