you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
