its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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