I looked at my own cervix.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't turn off my feet"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just gargled with NyQuil
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
