Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
