Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
