I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize