R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
