He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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