i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
