why didn't you poke me back
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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