I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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