Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
