I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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