I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
