My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
