I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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