i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
