You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
