all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
