Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
