the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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