i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
