i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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