everyone is single if you try hard enough
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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