Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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