I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
