They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
