everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
