It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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