big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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