You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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