I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
