i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
