anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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