Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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