I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
