The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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