i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
