I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm passing your future prison.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
