We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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