omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
