you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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