Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
