just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize