therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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