glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
