i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
