Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
