you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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