I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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