PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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