I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
