the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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