i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
