This is not my ceiling
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
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