Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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