she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
