that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
