Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
