I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
