dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
