Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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