You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
