The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
