Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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