ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
