the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
