finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize