if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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