And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize