If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize