mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm always down for nudity.
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